Assaulted

I'm walking down 3rd Avenue, minding my own business, when all of a sudden I notice the seas parting. Now mind you I had just got down working out. I am decked out in my "jogging suit", a "doo-rag" if you will (although in my case it was a running skullcap), and listening to my Ipod (I'm pretty sure it was TI). Not the typical person you would expect to be assaulted...in fact most would expect "said" person to be the assaulter!

The Red Seas (3rd Avenue) are parting and I'm not moving. I put my head down, lower my shoulder, and get ready for the inevitable. When lo and behold, I see a 5'4" 95lb pippy long stocking look-a-like in thick glasses throwing people out of her way. WTF I think to myself!!! This is definitely not your average scene in front of Home Depot on 3rd Ave. (Although once before I did see a very loud shouting match there...)

I freeze. What the hell do I do now. A wise man once said, "If you hesitate...you're dead." Like a deer in headlights... I froze. Pippy notices my moment of weakness and, like the weakest animal in a herd of Wildebeest set upon by a pride of lions, I go down.

Pippy grabs me by the waist and, with her 95 lbs of strength, shoves me into the glass walls of Home Depot. What just happened I ask myself? People are staring at me inside Home Depot, staring at Pippy clearing more innocent bystanders out of her way, and picking themselves up from the 95lb tornado. I've been assaulted I cry! Similar to what the Clinton's should be shouting right now...

"Some argue that blacks should vote for Clinton "because her husband was good to us," he continued."That's not true," he thundered. "He did the same thing to us that he did to Monica Lewinsky." The illustrious Rev. Jeremiah Wright speaking to his flock this past Sunday... http://www.baltimoresun.com/news/nation/politics/bal-te.preacher16jan16,0,1629577.story?track=rss

Looks like Obama's race is back in play too... "William R. Farr was pretending to read telegrams congratulating this year's award recipient, University of Colorado President Hank Brown, when he pulled out a piece of paper and said, "I have a telegram from the White House."
Then he added, "They're going to have to change the name of that building if Obama's elected." http://www.rockymountainnews.com/news/2008/jan/17/joke-leaves-em-gasping/